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[26 Sep 2006|02:44pm] |
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He could do a million times better.
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[20 Sep 2006|11:17pm] |
I hate highs because I know the next day will be a fucking disappointment. This whole week has been horrible, and it's not even over yet. I still haven't recovered from Saturday with sleeping patterns and shit. And so many people are fucking with me in various ways. Seriously, fuck the haters. Fuck the ones who won't let me live my fucking life. Everything is just so stupid! And it's no better than on top of all that shit I am constantly being criticized. I know it's my fault, but I can't fucking change. Not as soon as people would like, anyway. Don't fucking bitch at me, do something about it. I say fuckfuckfuck a lot. Geeeez. I am just so angry with everything. School sucks. Math and Spanish really piss me off.
Oh my god, just...everything.
Thinking about the amount of shit makes me even more upset.
And I haven't talked to Brent in like a week or more, probably. I doubt I'd feel like this if I could vent to him at least a bit.
Alex...I don't even know. I'm pretty much getting myself ready to be dumped at any time. Although I realize no amount of preparation would make it any better. Why ME? He tells me the stories of all the girls on his nuts in hopes of changing something. It doesn't work. Get with those girls then, be happy.
I can't make anyone happy.
It's fucking pathetic.
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[16 Sep 2006|10:52am] |
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It is possible that I might be spending the night at Alex's tonight. Shh. It's Sharif's birthday and he's having a party and an 'after party'. It's all gonna be a whole bunch of drama. I hate it though because it's not that the 'goonies' have a problem with me, it's her. And I'm only going if I'm going with her. And I feel bad for Alex because he's the one getting all the shit for it. I bet we'll all get caught and my mom already told me... "I didn't want you to go in the first place, so if I find out about anything...you're dead." She doesn't approve of her, him, or the rest of them. The boys have made it into such a big deal though. Let Sharif have what he wants on his birthday, geez. But in any case, I still hope that we all get intoxicated and have fun :].
yeee I love my boo even though he's a dick sometimes, lol.
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[09 Sep 2006|01:01pm] |
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The first home game of the season was really good. I hung out with Andrea, Alex, Nick, Sean, Justin, Sharif, Karla, and part of the time Kyle, Franco, Sam, Rachel, Erika, etc. Eeeeh! I had so much fun. Dirty Sanchez. Ricky. Marching band formations. I get the feeling this might be a good season? But next week if there's a home game at Hylton I'm going.
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[05 Sep 2006|03:36pm] |
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Today was really good for no particular reason. It's pretty awkward having chemistry with Alex though lol. I already made a new friend! yay!
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[05 Sep 2006|06:00am] |
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Lawlz, first day of being a sophomore :P
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[28 Aug 2006|10:20am] |
NINE DAYS UNTIL SCHOOOOOOOLLLLLLl! Holy fuck. I am probably gonna have a hard time getting used to not being a bum and chillin' everyday.
Look at the new baby! more pictures later.
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[24 Aug 2006|08:00pm] |
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I got back around 8am. I can't wait until tomorrow because I get to see Alexxx :] It's probably gonna be awkward, lol. Anddd shopping with Andrea or Snakes on a Plane with Erika?! lol.
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[20 Aug 2006|01:15am] |
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I can't sleep :[ I'm supposed to be up in about three or four hours
I have too much on my mind. Or just one thing I can't get out of my mind. One person. A certain problem with that one person. A problem that shouldn't exist. My problem. My problem that is fucking things up.
I'm gonna like die in New York. No Alex for like a week?! I about died when he went to North Carolina like a month ago. Damn.
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[18 Aug 2006|03:37am] |
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Fuck it. New motto. I'm gonna try to not hold anything back and just be me. If people don't like it, fuck them. I'm sick of being this way and it's gonna end up ruining a really good thing if it doesn't change. Just like I did before.
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[16 Aug 2006|04:45am] |
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mood |
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I hate this shit. I am so fucking pathetic! What time is it, 4:45am? I hate the feeling of one-sided...ness. I contradict myself a lot. I mean, you try for one thing and I do everything else. Or maybe I am just being a bitch because I am tired and this is fuckin ridiculous. But really, in the past, if I was up at 4:46, they'd be up at 4:46. But most likely I am just cranky. And lonely. And I feel sooooooo x infinity stupid. It's 4:48 and I'm going to sleep. Watch, when I wake up later around 6pm, I'll find out you got on at fucking 4:50. That'd be fucking GREAT. And I am going to miss the hang out with the kids today. I don't want to be there anyway. It'd remind me too much of what is so not there. Ahhh, I'm started to think too much and over analyze shit. Fuck. Well, I am pissy and I am tired and I just... where the fuck is my best friend? Way too far away. In more than one way. Why...
It's 4:50 and I'm wrong and I'm still not sleeping.
okay, let's say...5am.
this is such fucking bullshit. How much longer can it be kept up?
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[12 Aug 2006|01:20am] |
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mood |
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On the 10th I got to go to Warped Tour :] Thanks for the ride, Erika. It was pretty fucking amazing, I didn't think I'd like it that much. Too bad I didn't get more pictures. We watched bands I didn't even really like, but it was all good. I have pictures even if I didn't like them.
this has been the best summer I've ever had. I fucking love it.
And I love Alex. No matter what it looks like, he's great. I know some people think it doesn't seem too good, but you wouldn't know. Compared to my past boyfriends he's perfect. He's helping me change, finally.
Anddd I really love my friends lately.
haysoos fucking christo, summer is almost over :[
it really has been amazing.
I love this picture:
we're cool...not.
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[23 Jul 2006|09:13pm] |
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I got pretty drunk last night. It was amazing. Pictures later, unless I forget...lol
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[21 Jul 2006|01:16am] |
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I met Karly and Tracy today.
And I love Karla. She is so...I don't know. Not uptight about shit &just lives her life. Doesn't give a damn what people think. Drinking buddies, holla! lol...hopefully Saturdays plans go through. And hopefully Andrea can get Karly to help...hmmmm
I love Alex. He's gonna be gone for a week :[
He is like the sweetest guy ever, believe it or not.
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[20 Jul 2006|11:53am] |
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Sometimes I reallllyyyy hate myself. Like now.
So um on Saturday (7/15) I went to Kings Dominion with Alex, Andrea, and Sharif. It was fun, but it was way too hot until it rained. When it rained, it poured. I was like one of the only people in the entire park who had an umbrella. Alex &I were the only dry people I could see, haha. But we gave that up and ran around in the rain with everyone else. I was just starting to like it then it stopped :[ Oh well. Of course, we took scene ass myspace pictures on every ride possible. And of course, I bought the one where Alex looks like a shark. Hahahahahahaha lmfao
Thennn yesterday Alex came over and we chilled at my house like all day. We walked up to 7-11. We watched Fight Club. We Myspaced!!! Well, we each Myspaced for the other since we now know each others' passwords. Haha. It was fun for the most part. "I'M GOOD, MAN!" Damn. Here comes the part where I start hating myself... Being shy is just how I am. It is always how I have been. Before he left we were sitting in like my formal living room thingy waiting for his dad and he was just like "you know, I'm not gonna kiss you. you're gonna have to kiss me!" I didn't. I said "oh well, then I guess we're not kissing!" Not the answer he was expecting, haha. Then he asked "do you even like making out?!" To that question, I just had to laugh. I laughed for like at least three minutes straight. And he was like "what's so funny!" I couldn't tell him then. The thing is, I wouldn't know. Isn't that sad? I am almost 16 years old and I've never really kissed anyone. Sure, once when I was little, but that does not count. I told him later on and he was like "it's really not that big of a deal, you shouldn't be embarassed" Yeah fucking right. And now his jerk little brother is like "well Alex, if I were you, I'd dump her. I would not want my girlfriend to be too shy to even be affectionate with me." Fuck Sharif. Alex told me that and I was like just getting ready for him to dump me right then. But he said "I don't want to break up! at all!" God, me either! I have been trying without much noticeable improvement, but I'm trying. I am going to try harder. The last thing I want is for it to end up the way it did with John...sfksjlgdkjhidhoz. Operation OAN will remain forever etched in my memory, simply because it was just so fucked up, and someone was encouraging him to do it. I really don't want it to happen like that again. I really really really liked John, and I took that so hard. I'd say if I ever felt heartbroken, it was when we broke up. And now I really really really like Alex, and I don't want it to happen again. Alex is a good boyfriend. I would not want to lose him after pursuing him for months just because I am stupid.
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[09 Jul 2006|10:35pm] |
I got drunk last night. It was so damn funny. And fun. Dirty Mexicans, drunken cartwheels, DIE BITCH DIE!, superheroes &sidekick, vibrators, peeing behind benches, commando, so much more. Hahaha. I liked how we described the fireworks like we actually saw them. We left before the sun even went down!
Damn, those are mah gurrls! In two weeks we shall reunite :]
As for this weekend, I'd like to go to fucking Kings Dominion with Alex or something. Actually, I'd take anyone basically. I just really want to go &put my gold pass to use.
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[06 Jul 2006|01:06am] |
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Alex is so damn cute :]
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[03 Jul 2006|12:02am] |
I think I'm going to the Taking Back Sunday concert with Karla on Friday. I don't even like Taking Back Sunday...like, at all. I kind of want to see Angels &Airwaves. I don't know about them though. They're probably lame. But, I think it'll be fun, regardless of the crappy bands playing.
Things are good with Alex, I just wish I could see him.
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[01 Jul 2006|01:03pm] |
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Or maybe my boyfriend is crazy hahaha. My brother saw Nick &Alex sitting outside of my house at like 6:30 this morning! My mom was like wtf Belinda, you have a psycho stalker boyfriend! Now she wants me to break up with him and stuff hahaha. He was like "me and Nick had been walking all over, and I wanted to see you!" It's cute in a really crazy way lololol. They live in Lake Terrapin! and they walked allllll the way over here. They are out of their minds.
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